You know what, I’m starting to not like living in a big house. Sometimes I wish I could be in small spaces because I want to live in a more simpler life but I have a ton of savings. I hate the fact that other people show off things. So yabang. It makes me sick; and all those people try to rate your capabilities because you’re provided. You people shouldn’t underestimate me. My success will always be based on my happiness and peace in my heart. Walang papantay sa totoong kaligayahan kaysa sa pera. Because other people are just so poor, all they have is money.
I don’t know why I don’t feel overprotective. Maybe because I already know that he’s old enough to choose his decisions when there are hangouts with the guys. As long as its not gunna mess things’ up, I wouldn’t mind. My life changed after him coming in my life. There were times that I’d never really think that this is real. Suppose to be that’s the reason sometimes I just look at him because I don’t believe it in a moment that we’re together unlike before.
There were so many things that happened. Those toxic days that we were both talking about how messed up people’s minds are. Now, we got the hang of the questions why, and I guess that’s just life and people believe in their own opinions anyway. I never thought that I’d get along with his perspectives that I’m just hanging out with this guy after every single class, eating snacks together and talking about life. What if our schedules were different? I don’t think we’ll be like this anyway but it happened.
How did it began? All I know is God wrote it. So I have nothing against it if he wants me to be in this journey now. This was the first time I never controlled anything about my feelings and he was just right there. And I like it.
I don’t want to tell everything and this is just about the 1% of what I spoke about him publicly. I’d like to keep most of it in private. It’s better that way.
I have officially accepted it. That I am a lady of facing that I am acting too foolish to prove myself worthy like a reputation. I always check on everything that I can pull off like how I look or how I think, but I am not really happy. Though I am not trying to fit in to the world,
I am trying to be someone worth talking about without a bad highlight and then I realized my days are getting slower to recognizing who I really am. I am too competitive and challenged on the outside world. But as soon I am stepping in my room where my bed is,
I lay down seeing myself with a very cozy comforter and big soft pillow saying, you don’t need to be looked by everyone as someone admirable. You should be you. For how many times everyone should tell you to be you. The way I put it around me eases me.
And now here I am, removing all the things that doesn’t describe who I really am.
I am the different colors of your palette where I could hangout with you on different kinds of adventures without complaining how the heat of the sun sticks to my skin or exams are too hard to study for. I hope for dedication and putting the heart into it. I learn more everyday, and maybe to tomorrow, I’ll learn a lot more.
I was really overwhelmed the day we went to this seminar. Me and my classmates went home with a great memory to remember. Unluckily, I wasn’t wearing a corporate there. Everyone was wearing a corporate attire.
But even though my fashion was out of place, I decided to let it be and fill myself the knowledge they good give to us.
I think I could’ve shared more if I was on the actual place but I don’t have a camera, only my phone that doesn’t take pictures very well. But I still enjoyed it, I am looking forward to going again next year.
And here we are, so random because we had the opportunity to have a photo with Ar. Tezuka. The people who were accomodating them said we can only have one shot. But I really wanted to address Ar. Maki and Ar. Kuma that we love them too. Its just that we weren’t given the opportunity with them because they weren’t letting us to have other photos.
Every architecture student knows the struggle of being a fan wanting on have a photo with them inspiring architects. But I will never forget what Ar. Maki said about coming up to designing buildings, “You have to figure it out by yourself.”
My summer classes only started for two days and I just feel tired all the time. 8AM to 9PM in the evening is just so stressful. I don’t even know if I regret this. I cry for the Lord to help me. I always sigh a lot. But I don’t want to feel complaining again because I decided for this myself to take these subjects. Good thing I still have good company to go through this.
Its not because you two like the same bands.
Its not because you two grew up from the same town.
Its not because you two hang out all the time.
Its not because you two chat or text a lot.
Its not because your parents know each other.
Its not because you two were best buds since childhood.
Its not because mutual is enough.
Its about you two loving each other unconditional.
Its you two feeling the same way about each other.
Its you two as one.
So far, I’ve been thankful having friends with Karl, Capio, Mike , Almira and Liz. I really needed people who would listen and they did. Small talks matter.
But there’s this one thing that one of them said,
It doesn’t matter what other people say about you. You just do your thing and be you, because people will judge you no matter what, even if what you did was right. Explaining would be a waste if you’ve already done enough. Because no matter what you say, they’ll only believe on the things they want and choose to believe in.
Then my mom said,
You don’t need to pretend.