Lowkey life. Happy life.

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“The less you reveal the more people can wonder.” – Emma Watson

Its been years that I’ve given up some of my social media accounts such as Twitter and Tumblr. The time came when my friends and other people that I know started using Snapchat. I guess I didn’t fancy it. I was trying to conceal myself as much as possible than expose everything in my life. Though this actual thought of posting such topic is just my opinion, I’m not saying that I’m saying its a bad thing.

As for my life, I was more happy in way of deactivating. Tumblr became my life when I was in high school. Everything I post there was all that I feel. Things that photographs showed my emotions. I knew so many things about people, politics, activism, rights. I was aware so much. Then there goes that pessimism when the people I followed started to post things that I didn’t want. I was turning to be like them. I reached graduating high school with a cynical point of view with my heart broken, shattered everywhere. My life was a mess but I was trying to bear it.

I did try to be active on Tumblr when I was in college but then, there were so much more things that I was trying to delete because I was telling myself to forget bad memories and it became a habit. I had two Tumblr accounts back then and I deleted the personal account which I used as my diary and the other one for my public account that I just post things whatever I like. But as I was scrolling down my account, I looked so sad. It seems that I was searching for something that I don’t know and I don’t know if it exists. Maybe I was looking for happiness in a website or attention but I gave it up. I stopped posting. I tried to be busy with school instead and disregarded the thought of the people I follow that the world is a terrible place. I deleted it. It was sad too, in a way that an account there was a part of me. I have posted more than a thousand things and I just left everything behind to zero.

Weeks passed and Twitter as still on my phone. I kept ranting with relevance. I wanted to prove things on my perspective. I gained people realizing I was right — to things that us people should be inspired and how we could see the world with good things and positivity. I get annoyed when people rant about the most simplest things that they’re hungry and they could just get food or cook. I hated that. Their heads aching and seeking for nursing and care which I actually think that they needed cure so they should fetch themselves medicine from the medikit. People swearing without reason and posting it because they think its cool. That’s when I decided to deactivate on Twitter as well. People were unreasonable seeking attention for their fave or like, I forgot what its called. People stalking each other and hating or trying to envy what other people had. It was useless in my growth development.

I didn’t see much women and men on the people I follow. They were all trying to prove a point of things that they hated about a person. So much hate. So much to bear. No empathy. Plastic hearts for fame in friendship. Gaining ego without the essence. I guess I just didn’t like the people I followed there so I decided to delete it instead.

That’s when I realized that I was free. If only I could delete my Facebook, I would. But my professors and the school announcements are there. So I have to keep it. But as much as possible, almost weekly, I delete people that I really don’t know or the people that I don’t want to keep in touch because their posts are toxic and unhelpful to my being.

I surrounded myself with people who knew how to handle things that I should solve up to solutions rather than complaining. I whine a lot but if you have the right people around you. You end up, silently solving the situation like them. It made me a better person on that aspect. I was starting to focus on my real environment and not on the sites on my screen trying to prove articles and news, or even philosophical views. Besides, I loved the world after leaving the internet. For me, it helped. I don’t know to other people. But well, do as you please. ‘Cause this is just my point of view. And on my point of view, yes, I am happy.

I admit now. For the last two years, I never told the world why I laughed on particular dates I could’ve mentioned here. But those were mine to keep. And I’ll gladly keep it only for my box of happiness.

Staying lowkey will solve literally half of your problems.

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Summer School 2017

I haven’t been very much motivated this summer school unlike before. No, don’t get me wrong with all the things in what I am distracted for because I’m not. Maybe I’m getting tired of staying in the minor subjects I’m studying this summer. I want to go on a site or do architectural work.

But my professor in Life and Works of Rizal is keeping us loaded with so much work than my professor in Politics and Governance. Right now, I’m more in the mood to study Politics than Rizal because of the difference of these two professors. There’s a difference when the instructor motivates you than just keeping you working because you have to do something because you enrolled the subject.  I’m literally in a phase of forgetting bit by bit my architectural sense.

I’m more into passion than work. If I keep on doing the things that I don’t like, I know I’m wasting time. But since these are in the curriculum, I might just pass it anyway — even though I don’t like it. All it takes for me is to achieve the whole curriculum for the rest of the last year that I have.

I still don’t want to loose the sense of what I’m doing but the real world seems too radical in so many aspects. So help me God in this journey.

I Am So Much More Than Just A Pretty Face — Kayla Diebold

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Photo © Genessa Panainte

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.”

— Kahlil Gibran

I walk through life, every day, capturing the attention of strangers solely based off of my outside physical characteristics. Noticing my bright green eyes, tan skin, charming smile and a nicely put together physique. Pretty, sexy, gorgeous have been terms used to express me.

As much as I respect the compliments, I am deeper than an image.

There are many individuals who miss the woman I am, the soul I sincerely have. Imagine going into an art gallery, so many lovely articulate paintings overlooked by more loud collaborative paintings. The painting you’ve overlooked is still there, not requesting you to look at or take in, but once you look beyond the image, truly acknowledging the art. There is a beautiful message behind the delusion.

If you fixate on my image, not penetrating beyond my exterior, you miss my value. The beauty is in the message of my soul.

I realized early in life that being pretty is generally more of a burden than a benefit. When meeting people, they grow interested in me because I appeal to their eyes. Being pretty becomes a disturbance, blocking out the ability of others getting to appreciate me for my inner radiance. From everyday situations to important career outcomes such as employment interviews, it astonishes me how much an outside image effects people. Landing a position based on my pretty appearance, not seeing I have the intellect to back it up. I was acknowledged as the cheerleader and not the softball player because I know how to put on lipstick and twirl my hair. The one that offends me the most is being stereotyped as a female without a mind because in civilization today you can’t be both pretty and intelligent.

Pretty is described as attractive in a subtle way without being really beautiful. I don’t even feel the need to comment on that absurd allegation. Pretty has a unique definition to each individual. Everyone sees differently with the eyes. I believe, pretty comes from within.

An attractive physical appearance means nothing if you have an awful heart.

Like the familiar saying goes “What looks good to you, isn’t always good for you”. Pretty is vague, I demand to be recognized and acknowledged as very much more than an expression with such vague context.

Although my face to you may be “pretty”, pretty I am not. I am a genuine beauty. Beautiful from the inner surface of my heart.

I am intellectual, confident, a dream chaser, determined, loving, warm-hearted, devoted, independent. A daughter, a sister, a noble friend, a learner and forever a shoulder to everyone that desires it to lean on.

My advice to every woman out there, you are more than just a pretty face. Realize that, enforce it, and live up to those words every day. “You can be pretty darling, but make it a point to be so much more.”

I Am So Much More Than Just A Pretty Face (Kayla Diebold)

Look what’s become of us. Aren’t we all just made of dust.

You know what, I’m starting to not like living in a big house. Sometimes I wish I could be in small spaces because I want to live in a more simpler life but I have a ton of savings. I hate the fact that other people show off things. So yabang. It makes me sick; and all those people try to rate your capabilities because you’re provided. You people shouldn’t underestimate me. My success will always be based on my happiness and peace in my heart. Walang papantay sa totoong kaligayahan kaysa sa pera. Because other people are just so poor, all they have is money.

I don’t know why I don’t feel overprotective. Maybe because I already know that he’s old enough to choose his decisions when there are hangouts with the guys. As long as its not gunna mess things’ up, I wouldn’t mind. My life changed after him coming in my life. There were times that I’d never really think that this is real. Suppose to be that’s the reason sometimes I just look at him because I don’t believe it in a moment that we’re together unlike before.

There were so many things that happened. Those toxic days that we were both talking about how messed up people’s minds are. Now, we got the hang of the questions why, and I guess that’s just life and people believe in their own opinions anyway. I never thought that I’d get along with his perspectives that I’m just hanging out with this guy after every single class, eating snacks together and talking about life. What if our schedules were different? I don’t think we’ll be like this anyway but it happened.

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How did it began? All I know is God wrote it. So I have nothing against it if he wants me to be in this journey now. This was the first time I never controlled anything about my feelings and he was just right there. And I like it.

I don’t want to tell everything and this is just about the 1% of what I spoke about him publicly. I’d like to keep most of it in private. It’s better that way.

I am the different colors of your palette

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I have officially accepted it. That I am a lady of facing that I am acting too foolish to prove myself worthy like a reputation. I always check on everything that I can pull off like how I look or how I think, but I am not really happy. Though I am not trying to fit in to the world,

I am trying to be someone worth talking about without a bad highlight and then I realized my days are getting slower to recognizing who I really am. I am too competitive and challenged on the outside world. But as soon I am stepping in my room where my bed is,

I lay down seeing myself with a very cozy comforter and big soft pillow saying, you don’t need to be looked by everyone as someone admirable. You should be you. For how many times everyone should tell you to be you. The way I put it around me eases me.

And now here I am, removing all the things that doesn’t describe who I really am.

I am the different colors of your palette where I could hangout with you on different kinds of adventures without complaining how the heat of the sun sticks to my skin or exams are too hard to study for. I hope for dedication and putting the heart into it. I learn more everyday, and maybe to tomorrow, I’ll learn a lot more.

Maki + Kuma + Tezuka: Hear the Masters Speak

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I was really overwhelmed the day we went to this seminar. Me and my classmates went home with a great memory to remember. Unluckily, I wasn’t wearing a corporate there. Everyone was wearing a corporate attire.

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But even though my fashion was out of place, I decided to let it be and fill myself the knowledge they good give to us.

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I think I could’ve shared more if I was on the actual place but I don’t have a camera, only my phone that doesn’t take pictures very well. But I still enjoyed it, I am looking forward to going again next year.

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And here we are, so random because we had the opportunity to have a photo with Ar. Tezuka. The people who were accomodating them said we can only have one shot. But I really wanted to address Ar. Maki and Ar. Kuma that we love them too. Its just that we weren’t given the opportunity with them because they weren’t letting us to have other photos.

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Every architecture student knows the struggle of being a fan wanting on have a photo with them inspiring architects. But I will never forget what Ar. Maki said about coming up to designing buildings, “You have to figure it out by yourself.”