Entry 3: Fed up

There is too much information that I’m currently absorbing. I have to lay back. I just got the log book last night, and the list of the consultation is making me praning.

In God’s guidance!

I need cork boards ’cause my notebook and laptop are disorganized. I’m having too much data and yet, I need more data at the same time because of the Chapter 4. Oh dear. Let me fly to the CamSur Capitol now.

Entry 2: No log book

19496134_1945436979022680_1980038202_o.jpg

 

Our Ar Design 9 just started and I’m already consulting up to Chapter 4. It was funny ’cause my Dean was still checking my papers to what I could do for the progress of my work. Ending up the conversation with a, “Well, you’ve been here enough and the log book still isn’t available. Probably going to give that to you on mail instead.”

I’m going to edit my work now. And she didn’t signed my letters for my research because she changed my thesis title. I hope this comes out well. In God’s guidance!

 

Lowkey life. Happy life.

15875079_1864809647085414_5972495907921188425_o

“The less you reveal the more people can wonder.” – Emma Watson

Its been years that I’ve given up some of my social media accounts such as Twitter and Tumblr. The time came when my friends and other people that I know started using Snapchat. I guess I didn’t fancy it. I was trying to conceal myself as much as possible than expose everything in my life. Though this actual thought of posting such topic is just my opinion, I’m not saying that I’m saying its a bad thing.

As for my life, I was more happy in way of deactivating. Tumblr became my life when I was in high school. Everything I post there was all that I feel. Things that photographs showed my emotions. I knew so many things about people, politics, activism, rights. I was aware so much. Then there goes that pessimism when the people I followed started to post things that I didn’t want. I was turning to be like them. I reached graduating high school with a cynical point of view with my heart broken, shattered everywhere. My life was a mess but I was trying to bear it.

I did try to be active on Tumblr when I was in college but then, there were so much more things that I was trying to delete because I was telling myself to forget bad memories and it became a habit. I had two Tumblr accounts back then and I deleted the personal account which I used as my diary and the other one for my public account that I just post things whatever I like. But as I was scrolling down my account, I looked so sad. It seems that I was searching for something that I don’t know and I don’t know if it exists. Maybe I was looking for happiness in a website or attention but I gave it up. I stopped posting. I tried to be busy with school instead and disregarded the thought of the people I follow that the world is a terrible place. I deleted it. It was sad too, in a way that an account there was a part of me. I have posted more than a thousand things and I just left everything behind to zero.

Weeks passed and Twitter as still on my phone. I kept ranting with relevance. I wanted to prove things on my perspective. I gained people realizing I was right — to things that us people should be inspired and how we could see the world with good things and positivity. I get annoyed when people rant about the most simplest things that they’re hungry and they could just get food or cook. I hated that. Their heads aching and seeking for nursing and care which I actually think that they needed cure so they should fetch themselves medicine from the medikit. People swearing without reason and posting it because they think its cool. That’s when I decided to deactivate on Twitter as well. People were unreasonable seeking attention for their fave or like, I forgot what its called. People stalking each other and hating or trying to envy what other people had. It was useless in my growth development.

I didn’t see much women and men on the people I follow. They were all trying to prove a point of things that they hated about a person. So much hate. So much to bear. No empathy. Plastic hearts for fame in friendship. Gaining ego without the essence. I guess I just didn’t like the people I followed there so I decided to delete it instead.

That’s when I realized that I was free. If only I could delete my Facebook, I would. But my professors and the school announcements are there. So I have to keep it. But as much as possible, almost weekly, I delete people that I really don’t know or the people that I don’t want to keep in touch because their posts are toxic and unhelpful to my being.

I surrounded myself with people who knew how to handle things that I should solve up to solutions rather than complaining. I whine a lot but if you have the right people around you. You end up, silently solving the situation like them. It made me a better person on that aspect. I was starting to focus on my real environment and not on the sites on my screen trying to prove articles and news, or even philosophical views. Besides, I loved the world after leaving the internet. For me, it helped. I don’t know to other people. But well, do as you please. ‘Cause this is just my point of view. And on my point of view, yes, I am happy.

I admit now. For the last two years, I never told the world why I laughed on particular dates I could’ve mentioned here. But those were mine to keep. And I’ll gladly keep it only for my box of happiness.

Staying lowkey will solve literally half of your problems.

What’s up with my summer school 2017?

I haven’t been very much motivated this summer school unlike before. No, don’t get me wrong with all the things in what I am distracted for because I’m not. Maybe I’m getting tired of staying in the minor subjects I’m studying this summer. I want to go on a site or do architectural work.

confused-gif

But my professor in Life and Works of Rizal is keeping us loaded with so much work than my professor in Politics and Governance. Right now, I’m more in the mood to study Politics than Rizal because of the difference of these two professors. There’s a difference when the instructor motivates you than just keeping you working because you have to do something because you enrolled the subject.  I’m literally in a phase of forgetting bit by bit my architectural sense.

I’m more into passion than work. If I keep on doing the things that I don’t like, I know I’m wasting time. But since these are in the curriculum, I might just pass it anyway — even though I don’t like it. All it takes for me is to achieve the whole curriculum for the rest of the last year that I have.

tumblr_mwjmbyggdl1t2actoo1_500

I still don’t want to loose the sense of what I’m doing but the real world seems too radical in so many aspects. So help me God in this journey.

I Am So Much More Than Just A Pretty Face — Kayla Diebold

u4skl1shwtq-genessa-panainte

Photo © Genessa Panainte

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.”

— Kahlil Gibran

I walk through life, every day, capturing the attention of strangers solely based off of my outside physical characteristics. Noticing my bright green eyes, tan skin, charming smile and a nicely put together physique. Pretty, sexy, gorgeous have been terms used to express me.

As much as I respect the compliments, I am deeper than an image.

There are many individuals who miss the woman I am, the soul I sincerely have. Imagine going into an art gallery, so many lovely articulate paintings overlooked by more loud collaborative paintings. The painting you’ve overlooked is still there, not requesting you to look at or take in, but once you look beyond the image, truly acknowledging the art. There is a beautiful message behind the delusion.

If you fixate on my image, not penetrating beyond my exterior, you miss my value. The beauty is in the message of my soul.

I realized early in life that being pretty is generally more of a burden than a benefit. When meeting people, they grow interested in me because I appeal to their eyes. Being pretty becomes a disturbance, blocking out the ability of others getting to appreciate me for my inner radiance. From everyday situations to important career outcomes such as employment interviews, it astonishes me how much an outside image effects people. Landing a position based on my pretty appearance, not seeing I have the intellect to back it up. I was acknowledged as the cheerleader and not the softball player because I know how to put on lipstick and twirl my hair. The one that offends me the most is being stereotyped as a female without a mind because in civilization today you can’t be both pretty and intelligent.

Pretty is described as attractive in a subtle way without being really beautiful. I don’t even feel the need to comment on that absurd allegation. Pretty has a unique definition to each individual. Everyone sees differently with the eyes. I believe, pretty comes from within.

An attractive physical appearance means nothing if you have an awful heart.

Like the familiar saying goes “What looks good to you, isn’t always good for you”. Pretty is vague, I demand to be recognized and acknowledged as very much more than an expression with such vague context.

Although my face to you may be “pretty”, pretty I am not. I am a genuine beauty. Beautiful from the inner surface of my heart.

I am intellectual, confident, a dream chaser, determined, loving, warm-hearted, devoted, independent. A daughter, a sister, a noble friend, a learner and forever a shoulder to everyone that desires it to lean on.

My advice to every woman out there, you are more than just a pretty face. Realize that, enforce it, and live up to those words every day. “You can be pretty darling, but make it a point to be so much more.”

I Am So Much More Than Just A Pretty Face (Kayla Diebold)