I haven’t been posting since I was as busy as I ever was. Besides school, my other priorities were to keep in touch with my family, my love and my friends. I wouldn’t want to disregard what’s more important than blogging. Not that it doesn’t matter that I inform my readers here that they’re not but because sometimes we have to appreciate what’s the real world, and you should be too.
The first semester of my thesis year made me think if I will be able to pass till the end, which there was a bigger percentage that I was praying than doing. This was because I know its really impossible unless I was helped by a Savior.
By was like an angel saving me throughout the struggle. I wouldn’t be more thankful any other way.
Up until now, I don’t believe that I may be able but the miracles keep showering. I just keep going. Maybe that’s why I just do everything that I can. By was the doer most of the time. No not, that I meant he was doing my thesis. But he was the image of the motivation why I keep working mine. I don’t feel much of a wonder woman this year but he was surely someone I could lean on the strength. I was the post of prayer this year. He started praying too.
I hope we’ll finish this with the help of God!
To God be the Glory!
I haven’t been very much motivated this summer school unlike before. No, don’t get me wrong with all the things in what I am distracted for because I’m not. Maybe I’m getting tired of staying in the minor subjects I’m studying this summer. I want to go on a site or do architectural work.
But my professor in Life and Works of Rizal is keeping us loaded with so much work than my professor in Politics and Governance. Right now, I’m more in the mood to study Politics than Rizal because of the difference of these two professors. There’s a difference when the instructor motivates you than just keeping you working because you have to do something because you enrolled the subject. I’m literally in a phase of forgetting bit by bit my architectural sense.
I’m more into passion than work. If I keep on doing the things that I don’t like, I know I’m wasting time. But since these are in the curriculum, I might just pass it anyway — even though I don’t like it. All it takes for me is to achieve the whole curriculum for the rest of the last year that I have.
I still don’t want to loose the sense of what I’m doing but the real world seems too radical in so many aspects. So help me God in this journey.
I was really overwhelmed the day we went to this seminar. Me and my classmates went home with a great memory to remember. Unluckily, I wasn’t wearing a corporate there. Everyone was wearing a corporate attire.
But even though my fashion was out of place, I decided to let it be and fill myself the knowledge they good give to us.
I think I could’ve shared more if I was on the actual place but I don’t have a camera, only my phone that doesn’t take pictures very well. But I still enjoyed it, I am looking forward to going again next year.
And here we are, so random because we had the opportunity to have a photo with Ar. Tezuka. The people who were accomodating them said we can only have one shot. But I really wanted to address Ar. Maki and Ar. Kuma that we love them too. Its just that we weren’t given the opportunity with them because they weren’t letting us to have other photos.
Every architecture student knows the struggle of being a fan wanting on have a photo with them inspiring architects. But I will never forget what Ar. Maki said about coming up to designing buildings, “You have to figure it out by yourself.”
My summer classes only started for two days and I just feel tired all the time. 8AM to 9PM in the evening is just so stressful. I don’t even know if I regret this. I cry for the Lord to help me. I always sigh a lot. But I don’t want to feel complaining again because I decided for this myself to take these subjects. Good thing I still have good company to go through this.
So far, I’ve been thankful having friends with Karl, Capio, Mike , Almira and Liz. I really needed people who would listen and they did. Small talks matter.
But there’s this one thing that one of them said,
It doesn’t matter what other people say about you. You just do your thing and be you, because people will judge you no matter what, even if what you did was right. Explaining would be a waste if you’ve already done enough. Because no matter what you say, they’ll only believe on the things they want and choose to believe in.
Then my mom said,
You don’t need to pretend.
Sadly, my new year feels like I am a bit getting left out and no one notices. No one asks what’s wrong and I’m trying to be okay with that. My school that I consider home turned to something haunted. I just felt like they’re drifting for a one versus everyone.
“Is something bothering you?”
“Yes, but no one ever asks and that’s not called friendship.”
Until one of them told me to smile because I’ve been serious for almost a week now. I’m not okay. I actually want to talk about it but you’re all too busy for other stuff.
Yesterday, I have to call out Raquella for stargazing and that made me feel great. She’s one of the best listeners. I wasn’t okay, why? Because I’m a frustrated architect and I love my family too much that I don’t know if I’ll be able to make them proud enough. Other people in school are crying about their lovelife and I’m here crying over my knowledge. WHY?!
I told her I wanted to go home away from the city and I don’t want to stay in this plastic atmosphere where you feel like everyone is going to judge you and make your life be a competition. I want to go home. I want to go home to the province where time slows down and everything will be alright. Everything will be alright.
I just want to go home. Its not a just a place, its a feeling.
Keeping up in Architecture School is hard but I don’t know how I am still going. I am still trying to do my best for the sake, maybe of grades but that’s why students do their requirements, right? Besides the grades, it’s because of the deadline. Sometimes your other batch mate will think you’re irresponsible if you didn’t give enough like what they did.
When I refer to capabilities, I don’t know if I have them. Sometimes, after finishing my works compared to them, it’s like they will be more successful than me. But they say Architectural Design isn’t just about how the drawing looks like. It’s about how you interpret it with your space circulations and concept. Then it makes me sad that my professors notice my classmates a lot but when I ask how they arrived to those designs, all they say is, “I don’t know. I just did it.”
Most of my designs came from my thinking that I have to sit all day at our lanai and make schematics while drinking coffee. My father said, “Don’t compare your capabilities with other people. You just have to keep going.” Or so my father always say whenever I feel so down that I’d drink another cup of coffee just to relieve my stress but ending up stressing more. I love you dad.
Oh well, this is me just too sad that I don’t feel like my hard work isn’t paying off enough.